Reading Love and Lifesense

Hi,
I need help. I met the a guy a few years ago, who was crazy about me, but I being young treated him fairly badly. He was crazy about me, I was crazy.We met in the summer of 2002 and had a very tempestous relationship, as it was a working holiday and I was coming back home when the season ended, so tensions were high. I knew I cared for him, but found it very hard to show, as I was young and foolish. I ended up leaving him on the island in the end. I moved home and started dating other blokes, as I was not ready to give my all to him. He was older than me, 4 years to be exact.I just carried on with my life and tried not to think about him - as he wanted more than I could give, and that scared me.

I went back for another season and this time I really put the knife in. I think I lead him to believe we were going to pick up where we left off, but then I started dating another man - a man I would leave with when the time came. I knew I totally hurt him, but I know now, that it was a reaction from someone scared of giving, actions of someone not happy within or at least not settled.

Now I am older and have grown within I want him back. It is almost like the feelings I chose to ignore have surfaced - 3 years to late. I have been thinking about him alot and the wierdest thing happened, I bumped into him, in my home city. In a pub I never ever go into. He lives in a different City to me and it just shocked me.I don't believe in fate, but it was bloody wierd, or maybe it is just because something like that has never happened before. Not even with exes who live closer!! He seemed surprised to see me, I was too. He kissed me on the lips, or maybe that was me? He seemed distant and rightly so, and he had changed. He gave me his number, although he did ask for mine, but I actually don't know my own number!! I had a few drinks that night and called him, to see if he wanted to have a drink, but no answer. Maybe he was being polite in giving me his number in the first place, or never expected me to call. I ended up telling him how I felt via text?! As I did not know what to do, my chance was there and I wanted to take it. But he never responded. I told him I did NEED some sort of reply and that I should delete his number, he agreed I should delete his number.

I now just feel helpless. I know it happens to everyone at some point - the wonder of what could have been, but it is also incredibley frustrating.

Yes but normal is just an average.
grow up, move on, treat people better.

You know after reading two of your posts, you're beginning to really frustrate me. please, if you intend on remaining in this community read the posting rules. NAO will not tolerate behaviour like this. I might go so far as to suggest that you take your own advice and

grow up, move on, treat people better.

change the way your posting, or leave.

-MelMel

Look at me! I'm a prostitute robot from the future!

You seem to have trouble elucidating a point. Is it congenital?

[EDIT]

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to insult anybody. Spitting stupid insults at random people is just my way to compensate for my complete lack of self-esteem due to my abnormally small prick. But since null was nice enough to disable my account and write this apology in my name, I probably won't bother you again anytime soon.

This post was edited by null on Jun 08, 2006.

NAO will not tolerate behaviour like this.

The prophecy has been fulfilled. :)

You're here, aren't you? You're talking to me, aren't you?

*grins*

Life is good.

:P

Look at me! I'm a prostitute robot from the future!

I guess you're right. We'd not be human if we didn't have some regrets.
You say to yourself that you were young and dumb (so to speak), but i think dumbness never goes away. It's part of our defense mechanism, or some such. (And I'd not call it "dumb" rightly--more immaturity.)
Of course, it's not to you I really speak, but to my own sorry, ignoble ass.
Why, for all those years did I, and still do, push away and distence myself from what I want? Why do I sabatoge what should be the best thing for me? Does saying I have a fear of success really encapsulate my problem?

There's a gal that I really like. I've always liked her. It feels right to say that I love her; love her to the point of it hurting to think of her, with someone else. Four or five years ago I couldn't tell her that. I don't know what would be different if I told her that, but I should've al least tried.
My shame and sorrow doesn't come from not being with her, but the fact I never told her how I truly feel.

It turns out that she lives in the apartment below a friend of mine--recently found this out. The other day I found myself driving by that apartment building, looking to see if he, or she, was home. I never stopped even though they both were home.
I feel afraid to see her after all this time. Why do you want to do it to yourself, i thought. It kinda fucked-up my head for the rest of the day.
Sometimes I think I'd rather live in my misery and failure rather than do the right thing, and tell people how I feel.
It's relatively easy at your age to recondition your thoughts.
When you get to be my age, 38, it's more easy to just keep doing what I've been doing--ignoring my feelings and making excuses for not acting.

The Cranesbill--a surprising pick by Emmet.

This post was edited by zen on Jun 21, 2006.