Reading Aynjell's journal

I've finally realized what I hate about my life: Every relationship I've ever had has been horribly one sided, hell, even "family" never fucking calls me, except for my father. The concept of somebody actively taking interest in me is one I simply incapable of understanding.

I am thinking that I push too hard as a friend or something. Maybe I'm too nice? People don't trust nice. I guess it's mandatory I be a fucking asshole every now and then. People like it when somebody is somewhat hard to reach... do I need to start being more of an asshole in real life, guys?

I should be ashamed of myself.

I definitely completely understand what you are talking about. I've thought about it alot. Can't say I have all the answers, but I'll say what I think.

do I need to start being more of an asshole in real life, guys?

Only if you've been suppressing it all this time. ;)

I don't think that trying to act like an asshole more often is the answer to anything. It seems like people who act like assholes get more attention sometimes, but the key is that (I think) people are attracted to those who act the way they want to, without fear. People who act like jerks, and are confident when doing so, seem fearless, and more honest.

The concept of somebody actively taking interest in me is one I simply incapable of understanding.

The question of people taking interest in you is one of the scariest ones in life, because you can't control it. You can't make someone like you. So don't try.

You can control some elements of yourself that affect whether people take interest in you; your appearance, for example. But this is a minor detail. The most important thing is to be at peace with yourself as a person, and allow you appearance to flow from there.

I am thinking that I push too hard as a friend or something. Maybe I'm too nice? People don't trust nice.

Sometimes 'Nice' seems fake. I can only really advise one thing: Don't say anything just because you think it's the right thing to say. Attitude needs to flow straight from the soul, without getting stuck and mixed up in the brain on the way. It can't be 'reasoned' or mapped, it just needs to happen. It's very easy to overthink these things (I've done it :p).

Anyway, that's my 2% of $1, whatever it's worth. Try not to stress over it, man.

You're here, aren't you? You're talking to me, aren't you?

Well, the thing is, I'm not an asshole at all. I enjoy being nice, so it's not like I'm being fake at all...

I should be ashamed of myself.

Hmm, not that I'd know you extraordinarily well, but might it be you just expect too much from people? I mean, even if they like you, many people will not tell you so.

Just a thought.

Consider yourself hugged.

Hmm, not that I'd know you extraordinarily well, but might it be you just expect too much from people? I mean, even if they like you, many people will not tell you so.

yeah, i wouldn't tell him so :D
[oops :D]

anyway all my relationships are one sided. some people only call me when they need something. i don't get in touch with them. and some people won't talk to me, unless i make an effort and talk first. they only reply to what i say, they don't ask me anything on their own.

this is bad. sometimes you want to talk somebody real bad, and those people won't answer. that makes you feel miserable at times.

"Life is a queue. You come in, hang around for a bit, get some service, then depart."

Um... I can't really say expeciting friends to act like friends is asking too much.

I should be ashamed of myself.