Reading yoshi314's journal

This really sucks. Imagine you have low self esteem. You don't think too high of yourself. Or rather you think very low of yourself.

Now imagine you are a pessimist. You see only bad things in life. So you go for "lesser evil" instead of a "bigger good". As long as something does not bother you - it's ok. You see only things as unacceptable and acceptable. Nothing is great, cool, sweet, funky etc. Only a black-grey combination. "Very bad" , "bad" and "doesn't bother me, so it could pass".

So now you see only bad things about yourself. Positive ones seem unreal, and illusionary. If someone compliments you, you don't believe it. Since there's no way that could really be desciribing you.

Now imagine you have trouble with expressing your feelings and thoughts. It's hard to explain the way you feel, and it's even more difficult to express it with words. You don't know how you feel, and even if you knew, you could not express it, because you have trouble clearly state your thoughts.

Now imagine you're shy. On top of all that you are feeling better when there are few people to bother you. Or, preferably, none. So that makes you quite a loner.

This is how i feel everyday. Welcome to hell.

"Life is a queue. You come in, hang around for a bit, get some service, then depart."

I like this post and rated it as excellent for that reason.

Its true that certain characteristics in a person make each other worse. I have often met people who are unhappy with themselves and also wont accept compliments.

As for myself, im more a pessimist but also i can accept compliments.

My advice: the only way you can begin a change is within yourself. Ask yourself what you love about you, no matter how small, focus on this thing.

You just wrote something really good, you can write, so why not start there.

Well i tried to reply this 3 times. But i won't go into details why i'm so, umm...Complicated. It's hard to explain, and someone might say i'm just whining. That's what i thought to myself looking at my initial 500-word post.

so i'll just say - i did not give up. 10 Years ago i was totally unsocial and unfriendly. I did not trust anybody. Now it's much better, but i still have much to do. Maybe i'll work it out someday. Who knows :]

"Life is a queue. You come in, hang around for a bit, get some service, then depart."

This post was edited by yoshi314 on Jun 16, 2006.