Reading simon18's journal

Well, for the past 2 months ive been ‘seeing’ my ex-girlfriend. This basically consists of going round my house for sex, perhaps telling one another we love them and kinda acting likely a couple at times, but not being.

This has been fine with me, with a lot of other things going on in my life I didn’t want to have to deal with where it was going, and the casualness of it felt good and most of all easy. We didn’t argue or anything anymore, just had good times. No commitment and no responsibility, most would say it’s a mans dream.

But often she would bring up how she really felt about it, how she thought what she was doing was wrong but couldn’t stay away. I would always shrug this off, saying that there’s no rush to decide what we want for the future. Basically trying to avoid the subject.

Then last night we met up for a drink down one of our favourite bars. Its all okay then she suddenly starts talking about us. She tells me shes always thought we’d get back together, but that now she doesn’t think that. She tells me next year she would be staying up at her university all the time so she could concentrate on her work. But there was more to it. She says she feels shes missed a part of the university life coming home to see me so often ad in her last year she wanted the full experience.

I figured this was fair enough, I generally agreed that theres no point us going out if shes living away as it would strain the relationship too much. She said we could still see each other from time to time, but I think that’s just one of those things you say, to comfort yourself and ease an inevitable goodbye.

I do feel okay with it I think, but I can never really know how I feel until more time has passed. I wonder if, subconsciously, I too felt we’d always get back together. Since we broke up ive not really been with anyone else, she still gets jealous if I talk about other girls and always asked me if ive been seeing anyone, so it has been in some ways like were still together. In this sense, part of me thinks I should take this like a break up, or rather, an advanced notice of one.

So whats my plan? Enjoy the summer I guess. Im in no hurry to meet someone new, though as always ill be on the look out. Guess im just a little confused right now as to how I feel about this.

Guess ill do what I normally do. Sod all.