Reading xavierenigma's journal

I awake and I ask myself what day it is. Not that it matters, everyday is the same. I get out of bed and walk to the shower sometimes without opening my eyes. The water turns on seemingly automatically. I adjust the temperature, shed my clothing, and step in. I don't really feel the water but instead feel the water from my memory. As I wash I open my eyes to notice something peculiar. Each drop of water takes with it the color of the world. My skin turns grey as the water pours down over me. I cup my hands to catch some water and splash it against the shower wall which also turns grey. I blink my eyes in disbelief and rub them lightly but still the water streams away with the color of my world. I jump out of the shower and turn off the water. I walk to face the mirror in an effort to confirm this odd happening and indeed it was true. I turn the faucet in the sink and that too began to drain the color from the area. I back away in disbelief and quickly exit the bathroom. I rub my eyes again only to be horrified when I look at my grey hands. I go to the window and notice that it had begun to rain. Outside my window, the green grass on the median fifteen stories below began to fade, all the cars cruising along the road became grey, even my neighbors coveted roses were grey now. I know i have to escape. I dress in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. I walk to the end of my flat only to discover that the door is no longer there. I turn in horror and notice that the walls had begun to leak. The color was draining from the paint and the various pictures on the walls. I quickly grab a picture of my ex trying to preserve at least one bit of color in the now almost completely grey room. I hold the picture against my chest and shiver as my world fades. I look at the picture for reassurance but to my dismay a drop of water falls from the ceiling and begins to poison my last bit of hope. I desperately try to wipe the drop away with my hand but its too late. I whisper my disbelief and move towards the balcony. I look down towards the street and all is hopeless. I look back into my flat one last time and I jump

I really like the concept of the water washing away the colour. It's a great visual metaphor that works well for a short story.

I don't know about the end though. The suicide seems a bit predictable almost, and out of place. A more riveting twist at the end would make for greater dramatic effect.

Example (hope you don't mind :p): "I desperately stumble without direction, scraping my arm as I fall to the ground. The blood that drips to the rain soaked ground remains a bright red. I smile."

Anyway, I digress. My favorite part when it rains.

But I can't find no place or nothin', where thrills are cheap, and love is divine

This story really pulled me in! It was amazing.

I don't know about the end though. The suicide seems a bit predictable almost, and out of place. A more riveting twist at the end would make for greater dramatic effect.

However, I agree with Bunk. The ending is cliche. What if they land in a puddle of grey mud and pound their fists?

Endings are always hard. :)

Please contiune to vote AND post.