Reading zen's journal

"This is a group for bisexuals whose lifestyles don't fit society's mold of what bisexuality is." -- 1BIAnyOtherName

I love cruising through Yahoo groups. Some interesting philosophies (i.e.: groups) surface. Some of these niche trains of thought give me a chance to explore parts of my psyche that I can't in person, for whatever reason. Lately, I've been exploring my bisexuality. One group I've recently joined is: 1BIAnyOtherName.

Joining a group is like anything else in life. It's important to read the fine print. The description gives a good idea of what to expect from the group. Don't do what I did: look at the name and make an assumption based on that alone. I of course started by reading the posts. The first five or so I read were signed "Love, Your Friend, In Christ," or similar. Oops! Looks like I'm not in Kansas anymore. It was then I decided to read the description. It would have been important, before joining, to read these little words: "our sexuality does not determine our salvation." Obviously, there will be a Christian bent to the discussion. It was easy to over look that statement. Little else was given to warn one that this is a "religious"-based group.

It's somewhat intersting to look at Christians from the lense of bisexuality. To me, this is a contradiction. Apparently, this is a difficult concept for others to wrap their heads around as well; hence the need for such a group. Regardless of religious differences, it occurs to me that there isn't that big of a separation between them and me. The bottom line is that as people, we feel the same way when we identify ourself as "bisexual." Simply put, as bisexual, it means to me that I'm sexually attracted to both genders.

I've been thinking alot recently about what it is to be bisexual. In my discussions with friends and acquaintences, I have a difficult time explaining what that really means. I have to start with the notion that we live in a polarized world, where one is usually attracted to one gender. One is expected to be attracted to one gender. I find it easier for others to accept that I'm "gay" rather than bi~. Put another way, they choose to find it easier to accept people being gay, than bi~. The concept of being physically attracted to both is alien to the mind in a polarized world.

Being bi~ does not mean that I'm unable, or unwilling, to make a decision. It seems logical that by identifying myself as bi~, I HAVE made a decision. I've chosen call myself what I truly feel inside. Much in the same respect as one coming out when he publically declares himself gay, I'm making a public affirmation of my sexual orientation. The concept that a bisexual person is "simply experimenting," or that s/he is uncertain of his orientation seems to be society's mold of bisexuality. If this is not the core of "society's mold," I can't imagine what it would be.

What it means to me to be bisexual is that it's more difficult to date, and have relationships with people. Largely, due to false, or naive perceptions by my perspectives. Neither gay men, nor straight women understand where I'm coming from. My loyalties, in a sense, are divided. That person thinks that I'm liable to leave at the drop of a hat, because I'll automatically not be happy with one sex. The question always arises "will you ultimately be happy?" Sometimes I need to answer that I just might not be happy with having to make that decision.

From what I see, the whole goal of "dating" seems to be fixated on finding an eventual partner, and "settling down." From our first dating experiences, we're conditioned to believe, as a practice to marriage, that we have to be monogamous. This is unnatural, in the sense that Nature doesn't operate in that fashion. It's true there are species that do practice monogamy: wolves, certain birds for example. They are notable examples. Nature does not operate effectively through monoculture, or exclusive monogamy. The means of expressing sexuality is as varied as there are number of species. Humans born gay, bisexual, transgendered, neutered, etc., are simply natural varients necessary for the survival, and balance of our species.

Within this framework of being forced to choose from column A, or column B, the middle ground is fuzzy, uncertain, odd. It becomes extremely important for me, and other bisexuals, to find a place where we can fit in. Because of this the polarization, it's moreso than with either gays or straights . Nowhere is this duality more prominent than in Christian culture. Not only must they chose sides, but the entire purpose for sexual intercourse is for the goal of procreation (at least according to a fundamentalist viewpoint.) So it stands to reason that I do have much in common with a bisexual, who has happened to have made the poor decision of becoming a Christian. That person knows well good the same emotional turmoil that I'm going through. Under the frosting of our different beliefs, of their choice to be monogamous and non-practing bisexuals, the feelings are still there. They always will be. This is the way we were born.

I'll bet that just took 5 years off my life--but GODDAMM if it wasn't worth every second

This post was edited by zen on Jul 13, 2006.

From what I see, the whole goal of "dating" seems to be fixated on finding an eventual partner, and "settling down." From our first dating experiences, we're conditioned to believe, as a practice to marriage, that we have to be monogamous. This is unnatural, in the sense that Nature doesn't operate in that fashion. It's true there are species that do practice monogamy: wolves, certain birds for example. They are notable examples. Nature does not operate effectively through monoculture, or exclusive monogamy. The means of expressing sexuality is as varied as there are number of species. Humans born gay, bisexual, transgendered, neutered, etc., are simply natural varients necessary for the survival, and balance of our species.

Well technically from a "nature's" perspective, the practice of prefering the same sex is harmless so long as preference still lies for the opposite sex as well. Ultimately, procreation is what counts. However, there are social implications for preferring the same sex, and this is where the true 'harm' comes from. The Greek were fairly open in their culture about gay behavior, which leads me to believe it is dependent upon culture.

Unfortunately in this culture, that type of behavior is 'untolerated,' because it is seen as a correctable mental disease. And if you're bi, it is even worse. It is only the ignorance of society which prevails this idea. It recalls to me the same prejudice which African Americans suffered in America. The way African Americans were treated, they were inferior and/or lacking behavior which was somehow more suitable for people who weren't black in color. Like in this case, it was seen as a correctable disease.

With time, this prejudice is almost eliminated entirely, and not because society has become more educated. Generations have passed, and children of the children of the children who hated African Americans no longer do. In other words, the stubborn and persistent must die first. I sincerely would hope society to improve, but I fear the same must happen with this society before sexuality can be viewed as a less "one-sided" issue (pardon the pun).

But what do I know? Perhaps I'm just pessimistic. Afterall, it was Mark Twain that said:

We are chameleons, and our partialities and prejudices change places with an easy and blessed facility, and we are soon wonted to the change and happy in it. We do not regret our old, yellow fangs and tushes after we have worn nice fresh uniform store teeth a while.

"If I die of a heart attack eating bacon, I'll be a happy man." -My father

Unfortunately in this culture, that type of behavior is 'untolerated,' because it is seen as a correctable mental disease.

Well, sorta, but not really. That was true in the 60s.
However, if you go to some backwoods hole-in-the-wall that thinks that hygiene is considered a "bad word", then that's correct.

Your statement reminds me that cultures much older than this one, are also much wiser than ours. These are the ones who realize that we are people have individual will, and we are free to choose what makes us happy.

I'll bet that just took 5 years off my life--but GODDAMM if it wasn't worth every second

Zen wrote:

The question always arises "will you ultimately be happy?" Sometimes I need to answer that I just might not be happy with having to make that decision.

I think happiness is a result of a series of events, we can foresee this or that making us happy or not. It's not really a decision.

Hawkeye wrote:

It is only the ignorance of society which prevails this idea. It recalls to me the same prejudice which African Americans suffered in America.

I am a little disturbed by our culture's attitude towards non-english speaking latinos within our country. Which is currently going on.
As with the previous minorities, preferences and unacceptance of such simple differences is sad.
But I don't think it's on par with the suffering that occured to African people. Who were brutally enslaved and not even considered human. It took something more than just time to kill off that "prejudice". Slavery was a financial thing and we had a bitter war.

Our nature of prejudice is contrasting.
Lesbians are full of possibilities in a male dominant society, gay men are just trouble.

Prejudice is part of our sexual nature.
Children take a lot of time to raise. You might have 4 or more of these little guys going at the same time. You raise them all together with your chosen partner, even if they come from different places. The absurd cultural pressure to stay faithful keeps the relationship strong. Even though there is no real productive agenda to limit the gene pool, the need to maintain a society overcomes logic.

And we choose security.
If I told you I was open to a long list of different sexual situations, you would probably assume I have done all of them, and you would be right. Bi, meaning two or dual, does not imply security. If my girlfriend asked if I was gay, I would be concerned that she was leaving me.

Being bi-sexual is nothing new.
I consider being gay a spin-off of making babies, however nature may adapt. It is gaining acceptance, throughout our culture, following a desire to disintigrate the population. It's kind of similar, whether you like to think about fish or plants while doing it, to masturbation. It is never really discussed without some discomfort. It has not always been acceptable. It may alleviate many other actual problems. On a relative scale religious idealists may fall somewhere roughly between prison inmates and the living dead, but having children is not a fashion contest, it is serious business.