Reading baffled's journal

Jul 23, 2006 01:30 # 43282

baffled * posts about...

Motivation

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Cant sleep, I've been trying for the last hour. some random thoughts swirled around my head. I hadnt been motivated for sometime now and i was thinking of a period of time that i was. when i was about 15-16 i had some vivid drug experiences with a friend, on one of those occasions, my friend who is a year older than me thought he had failed his exams but he actually he hadnt but at the time he was rather distraught , i wasnt that interested in education at that time and mind altering substances, mainly alcohol occupied most of my time but he had an hour or so rant on why education is so important and why it is imperative for a person to do well in exams. In that intoxicated state those words were burnt on my mind although the following day he couldnt remember what he said and he had lost all of his possession i remained determined. For about a year i did nothing but studied and passed. i moved on to A-levels with the motivation and ambition still very much alive but now im about to begin my third year of my degree and those former feelings are very much dead. sleep seems to dominate most of my day and for some time now ive thought if i smoked cannabis the drug that directed me on this path to begin with, would rejuvenate me however nearly every person ive met since then has been opposed to drugs and i can understand why. i lived in halls for year and i shared a floor of 20 boys, and only one of them indulged in the drug who was and probably still is a complete mess so like most people they thought drugs are very bad things although they spent most of their time abusing themselves with alcohol. As they were my friends i felt i had to follow the regime and just stick to alcohol although i've never done anything remotely stupid when ive been high and ive been quite the opposite with alcohol but i seemed bound to it because it was socially accceptable. Anyway this brings me to think or anyone reading this to think; if i feel that the drug would renew me why not just go out and buy some. This brings me onto a different point. although alcohol is a terrible thing the people who drink tend not to be, in the sense they seem rather together people who hold down sensible lives. but the people who i know who do smoke cannabis or take drugs rather than drink alcohol are just undersriable people. if i wanted to buy cannabis right now i only know one person who could supply me with drug and hes missing most of his teeth and hair at the age of 26 and hes probably got an IQ of a grape fruit. do i really want to give my money to someone like that? so im basically stuck in this sober, lethargic, apathetic , ill motivated state. i drink about 3 coffees a day just out of boredom and because i hope they will bring me back to life in some way. NASA did an interesting study on spiders many years ago, they intoxicated spiders with various drugs to see how well they would perform the task of creating a web, the spiders did dreadful under the influence of caffeine, a drug that 80% of humans use once a day, they did terribly with alcohol and cannabis but while intoxicated with LSD the spiders created a geometrically perfect web. I merely highlight this point to demonstrate that although goverments may deem a drug acceptable or legal doesnt mean that it has more benefits for you than an illegal drug.

This post was edited by baffled on Jul 27, 2006.


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