Reading Poetry

The pain I've felt in life is too much for some to bear.

I have had friends I *thought* I knew, surprise me by taking their life in front of my eyes,
I have had some that I love; hurt me by tearing out my heart,
I have had my own family turn against me, verbally and physically,
I have had those that I trusted; betray me in the worst means possible.

I had the chance to have it all…. but I could never grasp it,
I had the chance to be great, but I am only marginal at best.

I have had the best of friends recently pass away,
Those that I could talk with and those that I could have fun with…. Gone in the blink of an eye.
I once had someone that I could bear my soul to, but she left, never to be heard from again,
Her memory lives on in my mind, but it just isn’t the same.

I though that I could go on and live my life like nothing happened.
I thought that I would be fine,
I thought that I could handle it all,
I thought that I could push it all away and forget about it and the way I felt.
-----
I did so well with this attitude for a while.
Then it all hit me when I least expected it to,
When I wasn’t ready for that burden or those memories to come back.

I’ll be honest, I fell apart,
I hit rock bottom and kept going down,
For days I would be there, all alone and in so much pain,
I tried so hard to make sure that I never thought about it.

But it didn’t work
I got so depressed that I started to cut myself and try to make myself feel something….
I was so hurt that I couldn’t feel that pain,
I could see the blood but I never felt the pain,
I became so numb, that nothing got through to me,
I became so numb, that nothing would affect me, nothing would register.

I stayed this way for a few months too long,
I cried out for help and no one came,
I cried so long and so hard that finally someone noticed and came to my aide.

I was able to talk it all out,
I was able to slowly get through the pain,
I was able to see the light,
I knew there was hope.

I am not the same person that I was before,
I know that this has changed my life forever,
I know that my pain will never leave.

But I now know that what all has happened in my life,
Did turn out good,
I may have lost friends, I may have lost loves and I may have lost some that were close to me,
But I know that through those losses,
I have gained others that I call friend and family.

I know that I will make it through this rough time in my life,
I know that the road ahead may have bumps and ditches,
But I know that with the friends that I have,
They can help me stay on the road and out of the ditches.

~Scott W. DeVries

Take a XANAX, calm down..put your feet on planet EARTH and be smart nstead ofthe sucker you might be