Reading broken_dreamer's journal

So, my friends, it has been a rather long time since I've ventured here, and my rating has greatly suffered... but it truly isn't a meassure of who I am, right?

Well, I'm back in action, I suppose you could say. I wasn't all that busy over the summer, but I felt a lot of change come over me and became so consumed in work and analyzing my life that I barely had time to do much else. I have learned so much about myself and developed new characteristics the past several months. Particularly, I got tired of being walked on and being unhappy because of what I didn't have in life. I have lost count of the days, weeks, months... even years I spent simply seeking pity because I was lonely and "needed" a companion.

No more.

Here I am, born anew. Granted, I will always have those times when I get lonely again. Who doesn't? However, I give praise for the incredible things and people that are in my life right now, and I can't believe how blessed I truly am. How did I miss this all these years? How blind had I become? My eyes are far from completely open, but I can at least see a little light ahead.

I'm 20, young and available and loving life. I still hold to my morals, but I'm not going to let my lack of companionship hinder my happiness. It's dull and boring and no one wants to be around anyone like that! I just want to have fun right now.

With that in mind, I moved back to school.. wow, almost 4 weeks ago now. I'm a resident assistant this year, and it's been a blast. The entire staff is like family. I have learned a lot from them all, one person in particular.

A young man on staff in my building and I got to talking about a variety of topics one of the first nights in town, and just in talking to him for that short amount of time, I wanted to change even more. I wanted to become a better person just by listening to him talk about his beliefs and his life and the people he knows. He never talked about anything world-changingly amazing he did or about how great everyone thought he was. He just talked about things. He's an incredibly humble person, and such an inspiration. It's such a joy to just be around him. And yes, there have been several others who have inspired me on various levels since I have been back, but he has especially.

In the past several months, I've also thought about my life and what I want to do with it in all aspects. I've opened up my spiritual life, family life, everything. Two and a half years ago, I was the quietest person in a room - the one who sat against the wall even if she was in a room full of her friends. In the four weeks I've been here, I've made more friends than I can count, and I continue to make more every day. I've come into the person I truly am. I've embraced her and let her loose for all the world to see. I shock and amaze my boss every day with the things that come out of my mouth that she never expected (not necessarily always bad ;).

All in all, I suppose what I really wanted to say is that life is just peachy right now, and though I'll never have all that I want, I definitely have all I need to get by and be incredibly happy. My resources continue to flourish and my soul continues to soar. I couldn't ask for anything better, nor would I want it.

Only when we are no longer afraid do we begin to live.

Nice to read from you... and cool to hear that you're happy :-)

"God is dead." - Nietzsche, 1882 "Nietzsche is dead." - God, 1900

It's always nice when those who've faded out, wander back into the fold. This especially when they have good, funny, or interesting news.

You didn't say what semester you're in, but knowing you're an RA, obviously it's not your first. At one poiont I thought of becoming one myself. Seeing the result of time being in charge of myself, it became evident that I could little care for myself--let alone be responsible for 20 or so individuals of the floor.

College is a time for change, but also settling into who and what you are as a person. We do that through experimentation of all sorts, but also through those prolonged discussions that only seem to come about at 1:30 am on a Thursday night.
Someone who I admire greatly once told me "you're not looking to do more, you're looking to be more," after I'd informed him that I thought I was a boring person. I've been shy most of my life, and have gravitated towards the periphery of that great dance hall of life.

I don't believe that anyone truly is boring, or is not in his own right worth taking the time to know. The problem, as with most of our problems, is our perception of ourselves (ego), and how we act upon those thoughts. Do we chose the "safer" course, or the road "less travelled" when we are given the choice? (And we always have that choice~).
Sometimes, it seems to me, that it's not those great decisions, like you say, that make us a better, more interesting person. Oft it's a matter of saying "yes" to those small decisions, those that put us at some type of risk, or put us out of our comfort zone, that define who we are.

I've met a few people as you describe. Not earth-shatteringly exciting...haven't scaled Mt. Everest...are just truly interesting people. It seems the one thing they all have in common, besides an uncanny ability to communicate their needs and wants, is their incredible confidence in themselves. They all feel very comfortable in talking about themselves and their abilities, and accomplishments.
I think one of the other important elements that that special person has is their way of making you feel important, or that you're the only person there. Their full attention is on you, or the matter at hand.

Ultimately, what makes a person interesting, or noteworthy, in my view is that person's way of looking at things. That person has an interesting, novel, or sometimes extremely practical way of looking at things.
I tend to be one who looks at things in different, interesting ways, so those who are practical tend to hold my interest. It seems they have a conservation of thought.
Their way of looking at things follows through in their ability to be enthusiastic about what they do, and where they've been.
Communication of their life experiences is entrancing and often uplifting. Their enthusiasm is contageous.

Good luck in what you're doing. Hopefully, you'll have some fun and interesting stories of your exploits, now that you're finding yourself born anew.

Once Fred Neitszche declared God is Dead, f*ck became the most important word in the English languag