Reading broken_dreamer's journal

So this was supposed to be the first calm week of work, but it has also become the busiest week for everything else. I am stressed to the max, and I cannot seem to focus on any of my work for one thing clouding my mind.

Some of you may see it as silly, but.. it is not to me.

The past week or so, I have been thinking of joining a sorority. I know, I know... sounds crazy. But this sorority is different. It was founded here 6 years ago and is the only one of its kind. It is not the stereotypical social sorority. It is based on the same moral principles I live by each day. My best friend and some of my coworkers are in it.

I am just not sure.

I had my interview tonight and I will find out on Friday if they have given me a bid (accepted me, for those who do not know). I have always been one of those girls that swore I would never be in a sorority and I will admit, I even mocked the "ditzy, shallow girls." Who knew that there were good sororities out there? (I don't mean to put down any organization. I just mean "good" in the sense relative to me and what I believe.)

I know the influence this group of girls has had on my friends that are in it, and the majority of the girls in it viewed sororities the same as I did.

For some reason, I am having a difficult time deciphering whether I am considering this because I am genuinely interested or only because others want me to do it. Is my heart going to really be in it? Am I going to have the time and be willing to give it? I am already taking on a full load between upper division classes and this RA job.

But then I think, "I know three girls who are RAs, taking more classes than me, and have time to dedicate to this sorority, so surely, I can, too."

I still just.... don't know.

I do know that this has been an aweful lot of rambling, and I apologize, but any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Only when we are no longer afraid do we begin to live.