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Jul 23, 2002 17:11 # 4372

ReallyCoolDude *** posts about...

What is your Worst Fear?

85% | 2

I have always believed that the reason why most people succumb to one's fears is because they never ever talk about it. A person who is able to confront his own fears and talk about them in open, can win over them and probably get rid of the fear completely. Hence, I thought of launching this discussion thread so that we can discuss our fears and in an effort in doing so try to get rid of them.

Here is an attempt from my side to discuss my worst fears. I almost always feel that people do not recognize my worth, and just hate me. I feel that people do not accept me with open heart, and I feel that the world is a threatening place. I am over-cautious and somewhat guarded when it comes to making new friends or any other kind of relationship. I tend to be like this even with my close relatives whom I don't meet often. Maybe the reason why I have changed 6 jobs in 5 years has got something to do with this fear of mine, as I usually take a lot of time to gain the trust of my supervisor and the company I am working at, and give up easily when I find anything that fuels my inhibitions and doubts their loyalty towards me. I sometimes feel that people deliberately exclude me from conversations, and probably all of them make fun of me at my back.

Writing as RCD on this forum (kind of hiding my true identity) gives me a boost, and I write as a different personality, and hence I am able to open up easily, and write what I think about. If, however, I was writing as Amit (my real name), then I am sure that I won't be able to write so freely, and would keep most of the things in my mind. This is not exactly like a split-personality-disorder, but the medical term for my type of fear/illness is Paranoid Personality Disorder.

No, my kind of people hardly go to a phychiatrist as we don't usually seek help. What I have is the mildest form of Paranoia which is not harmful, and since I know what it is, I am working on it, and think that I have got rid of most of it. But still sometimes I get spikes of it. But lately, I haven't felt this way for quite some time. I am getting more and more open with the people I am meeting nowadays. Not sure if this is after our child was born (after Kriti was born, I kind of feel that I am in a different plane/level, and am always feeling happy and elated), or whether it is after I started writing on NAO, kind of pour out whatever I feel everyday, thus instead of it boiling inside me it comes out everyday, thus subsiding the effect of my emotions!

Well, whatever is the reason, I do feel that speaking about such fears and communicating with others surely does make a lot of difference in one's life!

Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye opener.

Jul 23, 2002 23:03 # 4380

Hawkeye *** replies...

Re: What is your Worst Fear?

65% | 3

I used to suffer from the same fear. It was especially prevalent during high school, but now that I think about it, probably most people had this same fear. I imagine my friends talking about something stupid I had done earlier and laughing about it behind my back, and changing the subject when I come around. I also felt like everytime someone was looking at me, they were criticizing me in some way or another. Having to get up to speak in front of class was unbearable.

How did I overcome it? Well it took me a while, but I realized through talking to my friends about this that they weren't talking about me behind my back and that it was silly for me to think they did. Of course, they could have lied, but not the friend I asked. He always told the brutal honest truth. I slowly realized that this was an absurd fear I've had.

I hope that helps.

I have a fear of the unknown. If you really want to freak me out, you'll tell me about ghost stories or aliens or something not understood. Also, I get really afraid when they put me to sleep for surgery one time. I was afraid of not waking up and/or what I might experience without my knowing about it. In a way, that is the same fear. I'm no genius, but I'm a fairly educated man. I can put a rational explaination to mostly everything. It is the things I can't explain that I'm most afraid of. Does that make any sense to anyone?

"If I die of a heart attack eating bacon, I'll be a happy man." -My father

Jul 24, 2002 05:28 # 4384

Cybernetsam * replies...

Re: What is your Worst Fear?

94% | 2

I think my largest fears can be summed up as thus: Rejection, and change.
I fear rejection so much, that I will not make the first move in any sort of relationship. Whether it be walking of to a group of people and trying to make new friends, or saying hi to a girl I have a crush on. I have had the same set of friends my whole life, before I thought of such things.
I also fear any major life changes, be them good or bad. Trying a new kind of ice cream, that's no problem. Painting my room, also no problem. Moving, telling off someone that deserves it(but has a large impact on my life), or getting a job are all changes that scare the fuck out of me. I'm really not sure how to describe these fears, as I realise that they are completely irrational, but I just cannot bring myself break them.

Also a major factor on my life, something related to what Hawkeye said, is I have this paranoia that everyone around me is thinking of me. For good or bad, for some reason I go through a normal day in public feeling everyone is watching and judging me, and this makes me very uncomfortable.

I'm basically a paranoid, fearful person. I am afraid of having ot deal with the consequenses of my actions, so I try to do the same things over and over again, as I already know what the usual outcome is.

!sdrawkcab si erutangis yM

Jul 24, 2002 07:07 # 4387

Orchid *** replies...

Here's my list...

?% | 1

1. to lose beloved persons (not only by death)
2. Arachnophobia (I can also scream like a madman when I discover a fat, green grub in my broccoli --> ask null ;-)
3. to grow physically old too fast/to get more kilos then I already have too much of
4. to be followed by a killer or something like that
5. being alone in the woods (no matter if it is day or night)
6. being exposed to many people (like at a speech or by entring a restaurant or so)
7. to witness the act of murder. (My heart always fell into my trousers when we drove over a badger some week ago. I was totally shocked.
8. to discover a dead body.

Well, silly list but, these are my fears.
Maybe I forgot some and add them later... :-)

"Sie wollen nichts anderes. Sie wollen kämpfen! Sie sind Soldaten! Fucking Wahnsinnige!" - Noel G.

Jul 24, 2002 15:43 # 4389

Hawkeye *** replies...

Re: Here's my list...

Sometimes, when my parents leave town, and I am all alone in my parents' house, I'll be bored to death. Sometimes to pass the time, I'll try to think of scenarios where a burglar breaks into my house and what I'd do. Then, I start noticing noises. They are subtle noises, but they make me wonder if that really could be a burglar. Then I'll hear a more obvious crack or some other loud noise, and I'll be fully convinced a burglar has just broken into the house.

Before I can put my mind at ease, I have to check around the whole house with a baseball bat in my hand (and that is extremely difficult if you think there really is someone there). Needless to say, imagination is a powerful thing. What started as boredom quickly escalated into full-blown paranoia due to some catalyst like the house settling. Imagination isn't always a good thing. :(

"If I die of a heart attack eating bacon, I'll be a happy man." -My father

Jul 24, 2002 18:53 # 4392

Orchid *** throws in her two cents...

Re: Here's my list...

Oh yes, you are so right. I wish I hadn't the ability to imagine such things :-(

"Sie wollen nichts anderes. Sie wollen kämpfen! Sie sind Soldaten! Fucking Wahnsinnige!" - Noel G.

Jul 28, 2002 18:17 # 4454

Martin *** replies...

Re: What is your Worst Fear?

My worst fear? Going crazy, getting nuts, turning insane.

And I'm as serious about it as one can be.

Oddly enough there's no LED turning from green to red when I'll be crossin' the line, probably noone will tell me even when somebody else will notice it. So every morning I keep looking into the mirror searching for the hidden LED...

After decades of construction my website is finally up an running: www.kkds.de

Jul 28, 2002 19:25 # 4455

Orchid *** agrees...

Re: What is your Worst Fear?

You're speaking from my heart.
Except that I think I have this "LED" (Null was so kind and explained me this technical expression :-)
I know when I'm going to far, but worse then not remarking it, I don't have a on/OFF-button :-(

"Sie wollen nichts anderes. Sie wollen kämpfen! Sie sind Soldaten! Fucking Wahnsinnige!" - Noel G.

Jul 29, 2002 01:47 # 4456

ReallyCoolDude *** throws in his two cents...

Angriness Detection LED

I don't think this LED can be seen by us. Usually, whenever we get angry, we lose the power of seeing anything that is rational and sane, thus there is no way we can see this LED. Unfortunately, most of the times anger results in further reaction of the same type from the other person, who also loses the power to see his/her LED.

One can only see this LED when he/she is perfectly calm!

Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye opener.

Jul 29, 2002 06:51 # 4457

Orchid *** shakes her head...

Re: Angriness Detection LED

I don't think so. At least at myself I always know that I am going too far, I just can't stop it.

"Sie wollen nichts anderes. Sie wollen kämpfen! Sie sind Soldaten! Fucking Wahnsinnige!" - Noel G.

Jul 29, 2002 08:30 # 4458

andromacha *** agrees...

Re: Angriness Detection LED

80% | 2

Definitely. I completely agree with you, Orchid. I know when I go too far either, but, as you said I just can't stop me. Neil knows that very well, and I am so lucky that he knows me so well.

I think that sometimes you just feel like you have to say all the things you feel inside. There's not a particular reason, and you can't stop yourself even if you realize on your own you are going too far.

Sometimes it happens to me that I don't realize immediately how far I've gone, but when someone points that out I realize that my behavior wasn't that good. Not because it was pointed out by someone else though, but because that is just a way to think about it again.

Un bacio è un'apostrofo rosa scritto tra le parole "ti amo".

Jul 29, 2002 21:52 # 4463

Hawkeye *** replies...

What's the line?

89% | 3

What's the line that seperates sane from insane? Is there a particular thing that you do that makes you "insane"? or does it differ from culture to culture? And, what thing that would make someone insane for one person might be different for someone else. For example, some people that aren't into football may think that people that put body paint on themselves head to toe cheering for their team in the subzero temperatures are insane. Then, they don't really understand what football is all about.

What being "sane" is is to abide by the laws of what most people consider normal. That is the meaning we have put on it. If someone said there were ants on the sky, everyone would look at them like they were nuts, but for all we know, there really COULD be ants on the sky. We just assume he's crazy because we automatically make the assumption that there aren't ants on the sky and he doesn't agree with the general consensus of whether or not there are ants on the sky.

They thought Gallileo was nuts. He was talking about how the planets revolved around the sun instead of the earth, even though it blantantly went against the teachings of the Catholic church. Turned out he was right afterall. Sorry, Gallileo! Didn't mean to kill you, afterall! Our fault!

I hope you see my point.

"If I die of a heart attack eating bacon, I'll be a happy man." -My father

Jul 30, 2002 07:53 # 4467

Martin *** agrees...

Re: What's the line?

?% | 2

I absolutely agree with you!

Thats exactly the point I was refering to. When are you considered to be insane? (Or better, when do I consider myself to be insane)

Obviously its most of all a matter of self-confidence. If I really dont give a damn about what other people think about me, it should not bother me as well whether or not I'm labeled "insane". But since I am concerned about my mental health I must be worrying about what people see in me.
Though, if you'd ask me I'd always vehemently refuse it!

But there's still a difference. The football fans you were talking about are strange, indeed, but definitly not insane. There is a kinda pathological insanity, one, that's considered a serious illness and needs medical care. And there is no doubt about this condition. At the latest when the person starts to endanger the sanity of others or himself, there needs to be medical care. But then again if you look at all the cases, humans rather, that are imprisoned in closed hospitals, I doubt the fact they all have to be imprisoned really. Maybe its just a quiet and easy way to get rid of'em, no matter if their relatives or "society" (whoever that is) decided to get them locked up there.

All I can do is to try and fix my own rules when to use the word "insane" for a particular condition. Like "normal", what is normal, actually? Following the rules and ethics of the majority of the society you're living in? Maybe..
But what makes me afraid of being insane then?
Of course insanity is not just a condition that comes goes like a flue, but its a process thats crawling inside your mind like a thief in the night. Once its there it starts to control you and there's no chance to fight it anymore and it wont never ever leave you again. Yes, thats what I'm afraid of, losing control about what I'm doing, not being myself anymore, never again.

Quoth the raven: "Nevermore"!

After decades of construction my website is finally up an running: www.kkds.de

Jul 30, 2002 08:11 # 4468

andromacha *** has all the information you need...

Re: What's the line?

82% | 3

You mentioned Galileo Galilei eh? Well, since I am Italian I feel like I have to add my contribute to what you already wrote about him :P

You referred to Galileo, and that is great, because that example is definitely pregnant. I suggest you all, if you are interested in cosmology and things like that, to read the "Dialogo dei Massimi Sistemi" (no idea about the English title though) by Galileo Galilei. I read it a few time ago. It wasn't easy if you consider that it was written in Italian of 1600, but that is an interesting book indeed. Here are expressed all the ideas Galileo had about Earth, Sun and Planets.

It is written in a dialogue form between 3 persons: Salviati, Sagredo and Simplicio. Salviati is the incarnation of Galileo, Sagredo is the incarnation of a Copernican supporter and Simplicio is the incarnation of the Pope. Well, I don't know about the first two names, but the third one, Simplicio, derives from Latin Simplicius. That is said to point out that someone doesn't really consider what other people says, but rather stick to his own idea even if it is proved that he's wrong. Obviously, that is used here to deride the figure of the Pope.

Anyway, I'm not going to tell you what Galileo wrote in this dialogue. But if you read it you will understand why Catholic Church considered him so nuts. All the ideas contained in it are so revolutionary, and they are all proven. That is the great thing Galileo did. He didn't just wrote some theories (as Copernicus did), but he even proved whatever he said.

Okay, well I am sorry my post is so long. It's just that I fell in love with Galileo and his ideas during high school. It was the third year, and we studied it in philosophy. I had a fantastic teacher, and after reading the book we discussed about that a lot. Sometimes I just feel so proud to be Italian... Dante, Petrarch, Galileo, Michelangelo, Raffaello, Leonardo da Vinci... oh yeah. Italians are sooo cool! :P

Un bacio è un'apostrofo rosa scritto tra le parole "ti amo".

Jul 30, 2002 18:34 # 4471

Orchid *** wants to know...

Re: What's the line?

Have you read the Divine Comedy so?
I once took a look at it when I was younger and wasn't really enthusiastic about it... :-P

"Sie wollen nichts anderes. Sie wollen kämpfen! Sie sind Soldaten! Fucking Wahnsinnige!" - Noel G.

Jul 30, 2002 19:28 # 4472

andromacha *** has all the information you need...

Re: What's the line?

73% | 2

Yeah, I obviously read the whole 3 cantiche of Divina Commedia. My favorite one is the first one though, and that means Inferno. I liked a lot Paradiso, even if it's the hardest one to understand.

There are so many quotations are references to history, and especially to Florence, Italy and the Empire.
At any rate, I think that Divina Commedia can be well appreciated only by an Italian, because it's hard to understand even to Italians (it belongs to 1300 as you should know)because it wasn't written in Italian, but in the so called vulgar language. That doesn't mean "dirty" but it means that it was written in the language spoken by people. Latin was still used, but only by scholars or in public laws or during religious functions.

I do think that to appreciate really well such a masterpiece you should read it in the language it was originally written. Translations suck. This is why I read many of English literature's masterpieces in English (Ulisses by Joyce, The waste land by Eliot, Wuthering heighs by Bronte...)

You probably didn't like much Divina Commedia because you read it in German (am I wrong? If so then tell me what you didn't like), and I bet it must be terribly tricky to translate into German all the words invented by Dante. In fact, he used a lot of neologisms in his work, and not only in Divina Commedia, but also in "Convivio" and "Rime nuove".
He also wrote two works in Latin. They were dedicated to scholars in particular, and they were "De monarchia" (On the monarchy) and "De vulgari eloquentia" (that speaks about that "new language", the vulgar one.)

Anyway, enough with lecturing. I don't want to annoy you with Italian literature. You mentioned one of my favorite poets though, and I felt like I had to defend his glorious name :)

Un bacio è un'apostrofo rosa scritto tra le parole "ti amo".

This post was edited by andromacha on Jul 30, 2002.

Jul 31, 2002 07:44 # 4477

Orchid *** replies...

Re: What's the line?

You probably didn't like much Divina Commedia because you read it in German (am I wrong? If so then tell me what you didn't like), and I bet it must be terribly tricky to translate into German all the words invented by Dante.

We are lucky to have bilingual books of the very old authors, greek and german, latin and german and Dante was italian and german. Of course I wasn't able to read it in italian because I only made a crash course by then. (Till now I forgot most things)
I just read about a paragraph out of the purgatorio. i think I was too young to understand it. Our latin teacher always came up with the strangest literaric interests and sometimes I just wanted to know what's so special about this and that.

You mentioned one of my favorite poets though, and I felt like I had to defend his glorious name :)

Well, I didn't want to offend you, I don't doubt about Dantes works. :-)

"Sie wollen nichts anderes. Sie wollen kämpfen! Sie sind Soldaten! Fucking Wahnsinnige!" - Noel G.

Jul 31, 2002 20:02 # 4496

Zatara * has all the information you need...

Re: Angriness Detection LED

64% | 2

I think by being aware is the first step...great!
But what after that???
Leave the situation either physically or mentally.
Mentally is very difficult...so physically is the 1st step.
Leave and change your situation, location whatever...do something else...until you are relaxed or distracted. Then you can assess whether you are right or wrong, and what to do abt it.

Jul 31, 2002 22:09 # 4499

ReallyCoolDude *** replies...

Re: Angriness Detection LED

Leave and change your situation, location whatever...do something else...until you are relaxed or distracted.

Very good point. I think all that you have suggested does work. I just wanted to add another thing, if you are around someone whom you definitely don't want to hurt, the guilty feeling will squeeze inside you pretty early, and you will calm down faster as compared to the situation in which you are around someone whom you don't care at all.

For example, I guess, we (myself and my wife) care a lot about our daughter when compared to each other :) and hence, whenever we are fighting with each other, if my daughter is awake, we immediately calm down. This was not the case whenever we used to fight when Kriti was not there at all. Now, a lot has changed, and we get back to our normal self pretty fast. Earlier, it used to take at least 10-15 minutes for us to ease the situation, and now its just a matter of couple of minutes! touch wood.

Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye opener.


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