Reading Stoic_Slaughter's journal

God, life is weary. Life is tiresome. Life is unbearable.

My boyfriend is Mormon, and he is an absolute saint. He wears white often, his eyes are cloudy with purpose, and he's always thinking of drastic ways to help the world. I've peeked around his room on countless occasions, looking for anything that would suggest a journal layout; any... paragraph or sonnet or sentence that might reveal something, ANYTHING I don't already know about him, and everything I've ever read or seen has been about God. Part of it is girlish fancy that I might come across something that said, "Audrey looked radiant tonight," or, "I love the way she sneezes," or, "There isn't anyone I'd rather be with." These things are common truths to me anyway, and I don't distrust that he feels these things because he expresses them verbally often, but I suppose we're just different people. When I think about something frequently, I write it down. I have journals of years of pages of thoughts about my boyfriend in addition to my expressions of verbal love or my physical affection, not out of obligation, but out of compulsion. I've gotten positively dizzy over his appearance so many times that I can't even think straight. I believe in God, surely I do, but I'm not Mormon and I don't have much of a Christian background. Why the hell is he with me? We've been at this thing for years, and he's not perfect by any means, but God is his life. God above everything else. I don't want to put God above everything else, I just want to see God in everything.

I guess I just feel like I'm fighting a losing battle. If it comes down to me and God, God's got a lot more to offer, and he might be a little smarter than I am, too. Maybe stronger. Why would I lose my love over God? Isn't God.. love, after all?

For my next trick, I shall make you all disappear.

This is a nice story.

The question is, is there a reason to believe that you and God can't coexist in your boyfriend's world?

"God is dead." - Nietzsche, 1882 "Nietzsche is dead." - God, 1900

Yeah, as big and smart as God is it`s kind of hard to hold Him or hear Him say he loves you. I think religion and love are different areas of life, like work and fitness.

The two might overlap a little, but they only fight when they`re pointing completely opposite directions.

Right now the biggest problem I`m having with my girlfriend is that she assumes because I`m a loner, I must be stronger mentally than she is. And that`s bullshit. I think she is just as strong as me, if not a little better. If I didn`t think she was my better half, I wouldn`t be dating her.

We surely aren`t the same person - we have completly different habits and opinions sometimes. But we`re both two equal parts doing our best to try and make the relationship work.

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