Reading Love and Lifesense

The healing process has started, and i have alot of other things to worry about in my life right now, let alone this pathetic excuse for a guy. Even though i know what type of person he obviously is, it still hurts alot when i read something i wrote in my journal wen we were on the phone or "best friends", funny stuff or inside jokes, or when i hear a voicemail i had saved of him talking in a heavily accented voice telling me how sorry he was for hanging up on me, or pictures of us at the mall making wierd faces. It hurts alot because i thought that the relationship we had was worth more, and it would survive something like a fwb situation. I was wrong. I see that i was wrong, and im moving on, i suppose. But the pain is incredible. I do not want to say that i was in love, because all i ever hear about love is how its so great, and how its the best feeling in the world, but right now all im feeling is guilt and anger and hurt. But maybe for love to feel that great, you need to be loved back.

:)

I had a friend with benefits for a while. But unlike you, we went out a few times and decided that a serious relationship wouldn't work, so we were just friends and eventually it just happened. I thought that if i hung around, he would like me more too, but he didn't, not even after six months. He would talk about other girls all the time and it really really got to me. A lot. The whole situation really hurt me for a while, because i was getting too emotionally invested in the relationship and he wasn't. And i guess i went a little mad.

He never forced me to do anything i didn't want to but, he was very nice about it. And even if we're not having relations now. It's a bit sad that i wasted that special moment on someone that i wasn't in love with. but i managed to gain a best friend out of it.

You can learn a lot from this experience, about how strong you are, and how much you need to respect yourself and how to look after and protect yourself. If anyone pressures you into anything, they aren't worth it. Not ever.

That is all. :)

and too afraid, you're too afraid to fall for anything. and too afraid, much too afraid to sing.

This post was edited by kaizley on Jun 01, 2007.