Reading POWF's journal

I don't want to offend or upset anyone in any shape or form but I need to get something off my chest. I have a real problem with visiting graves. When I walk up to one, instead of thinking of the person as how they were I just imagine their rotting body. It gets me so sick that I have to walk away. I would much rather stay home and remember a person for how they were, not stand over there once inhabited bodies.

Even with animals. Recently my pup Indy died and we buried him in the backyard. I cannot even walk up to the grave without thinking of his decaying body and wanting to throw up. The feeling is so overwhelming that I avoid it all together. Sometimes it even feels more intense then the greif I feel.

I'm not looking for advice or any of that. Its just a feeling I have that I want to release and writing it down makes it more palatable for me.

We should of brought a bag of rocks....

I did not get you. Are u scared of those thoughts? What do u really wanna do?

I'm not scared. I just feel werid visiting bodies after they die. I'm not even sure I get myself on this. I'll just have to give myself time to figure out these feelings.

We should of brought a bag of rocks....

Ok. Then take ur time and find out. This is not weird but there may be a reason behind it. Know what.....whenevr I see a dead body.......it may be an animal as well.........i just keep thinking about it for many days and connect it with any person in my life. I cry..this is also weird but the reason after this is .......i dont want my loved ones to be dead./ i dont want to accept this fact. :-(

jane