Reading null's journal

Wow, going back to this thread brings up quite a few memories. :-)

So where am I now, six years and ten days later? A lot has changed, but isn't that what always happens to long-term plans?

A bit less than three years ago Honeybunny and me moved in together. One and a half years ago we married. Last spring we moved to Liechtenstein, into a great apartment close to her parents, and started making plans to take over their house once it becomes too big for them. Honeybunny wanted to stop taking the pill on May 5, our wedding anniversary.

Last week I've made a list of stuff in our apartment and how to split it up, and sometime soon we'll need an appointment with the judge to file for divorce. There's a long story behind that, but suffice to say that the magic has gone and will likely not return.

It goes without saying that I'm not exactly happy at the moment, now that I've lost the person I loved so much and most of the plans I've been living for for the last few years have been shattered.

On the other hand, being proactive and making new plans helps a lot, so that's what I'm doing now. And I'm really curious what I'll think when I return to this place on Nov 29 2013 and read what I'm writing right now, and what will have become of today's plans by then.

The first plan is rather easy. I've almost forgotten how much fun it is to go out drinking with buddies, possibly at a ska or (punk) rock concert. Since October I've seen and had more such action than during my entire marriage, my list of 'fun places to go' has been considerably extended and almost everywhere I go chances are that I meet somebody I know.

The second plan is old, but now I have the freedom to find somebody who will share this dream of mine. When I've saved enough money, I want to buy an old transporter (Renault Master, VW LT or Mercedes Sprinter) and retrofit it as a motorhome during the course of two or three years. This means potentially fixing a car, planning and building the interior with my own hands (and maybe those of a buddy or two), designing and building lots of electronic gadgets, some plumbing and some mechanical work on the transporter itself. I get to create things out of wood, metal, plastic, fabric, you name it, and all on my own. When that's all done I'll not only be the happiest and proudest motorhome owner in the world (considered the thing still rolls), but also have the means to take two months off work, start the engine and drive wherever I hope to find something interesting.

The third plan is to reduce my life to a minimum. I currently live in a beautiful 110m² apartment with comfort ventilation, a big-ass balcony, a Star Trek-style stove without buttons and knobs and a heated garage. I've got a decent car and four computers and tons of all kinds of stuff in shelves. I eat out once or twice a week.
All these things are nice to have but I don't really need them.
I'm a lucky guy because I don't need much to be content, but I can get pleasure out of almost anything I have. A few weeks from now I'm going to put that superpower to the test.
Travelling is easier with light baggage, and every luxury item I can do without means more money on my bank account - money I can save to eventually make bigger dreams possible.

These are my new dreams. I'm looking forward to turning them into reality and am eager to see what else life will throw my way.

Consider yourself hugged.

My heart is with you, Bernie. There is nothing more to say: be strong, and chase your happiness wherever that shall lead you. And, most importantly, be sure of all your decisions from now on, and be confident in yourself and your abilities.

Un bacio è un'apostrofo rosa scritto tra le parole "ti amo".

Thank you.

Consider yourself hugged.

Even though I don't know either of you in reality, I'm really sad.

Let me say that happiness never lasts, anywhere. With computers, motorhomes, drinking, rock shows, travel or even in marriage. That's why you aim for something bigger than happiness; you aim for something outside yourself.

...That's my opinion, but I don't have any room to talk. I'm currently in a dating relationship purely for fun and happiness. We know that won't last forever.

Take care, the both of you. I hope you find Peace.

Please contiune to vote AND post.

Ah yes ... a totally different question: what happens to NAOs home? ie. this very server?

gonna move it back to Germany or some racket space?

if you're going to do one of those things you mentioned above you probably want to put out this thing, too...

cu, w0lf.

Naturally, I love Jesus very much. I love him so much that I'd like to crucify him all over again.

The server comes with me, if possible NAO will stay on it. Otherwise it will be moved to another server in Switzerland or the US. If all goes well interruption time should be minimal.

Consider yourself hugged.

Guys, I think that Netalive should be really the least of null's problems at the moment. If it is going to be offline for a while... well peace. I mean, I know that our forum is important for all of us, and I am the first one who will miss not being able to reach it at least once a day, but right now I don't think that we should worry about the server so much.

Bernie is facing a hard time in his life, and instead of worrying about where the server shall be, when it shall be moved, what we'll do in the meantime, whether there is going to be some offline time for netalive.org or similar questions, we should be close to Bernie (and Tamara for that matter) with our thoughts, our support, our friendship, and our love.

I am not so interested in where the server will be moved, or how long it will take it to be back online, rather I care more about our friend here. Maybe it's because I met him also in real life, I don't know, but I just wish that for once we weren't so interested in such material things, which are idiotic if compared to the pain Bernie is going through.

Really, the only thing I could be worried about would be not being able to reach Bernie if the server is offline. (I will say it here now, so you have proof that I will be trying to contact you, Bernie) I will rely on smses, but since they screwed me over in the past, I am really only worried about not being able to talk to him, and know how he's doing. That's the only reason why I hope that it won't take too long for nao to be back online.

So, Bernie, take all the time you need to fix things up. I will also buy an international card, so I can call you if I need to :P Peace. *kiss*

Un bacio è un'apostrofo rosa scritto tra le parole "ti amo".

Guys, I think that Netalive should be really the least of null's problems at the moment. If it is going to be offline for a while... well peace. I mean, I know that our forum is important for all of us, and I am the first one who will miss not being able to reach it at least once a day, but right now I don't think that we should worry about the server so much.

Well .. somebody had to ask the question. In any case, I'd be happy to help at least with that probably lesser problem ;)
Whether it'd be putting the server up into some rack space located at one of my (webhosting) friends' sites or helping to move it elsewhere.

Aside of this, I'm happy to know that you're thinking forward again, Bernie! I know how such a situation can fuck up your whole life (not to mention the shattering etc.).

Well, maybe you would like to come over here to Karlsruhe for some days? It aint that far from Liechtenstein or Switzerland, in any case ;)

cu, w0lf.

Naturally, I love Jesus very much. I love him so much that I'd like to crucify him all over again.

This post was edited by ginsterbusch on Nov 20, 2007.

You know that plan is all well and good my dear null... However you've neglected to mention when in this plan you'll be coming to melbourne to party on my beach with me. We have the greates pubs in the world.

You lack effective planning skills :P

-mel.X.

Look at me! I'm a prostitute robot from the future!

However you've neglected to mention when in this plan you'll be coming to melbourne to party on my beach

You know, if I ever manage to fly to Oz you'll know it the moment you get an SMS saying "I'm lost somewhere in Melbourne, how the fsck do I get to your place now, and where's my luggage?".


Seriously, thanks y'all for your kind words. I'm a lucky guy to have so many supportive friends, both in real life and in cyberspace. Without that constant influx of sympathy, moral support and invitations to get drunk I'd probably be sitting in a corner crying by now. No, really.

As for Karlsruhe, I've been thinking about a weekend trip there for quite a while, but at the moment I'm just way too busy. But I'll eventually make it, and then the first keg of beer is on me!

The NAO server can stay where it is for the time being. Even if I'm actually moving out of here next week the old place and 'net connection are still available to me; the only reason why I might take the server with me is because my MP3 and movie collection is on it, and then I'd simply move NAO to another server. In any case, if NAO goes offline the outage will be relatively short and announced early.

Everything else remains to be seen, I really have no plans beyond the first half of next week, nor the ability to tell what will happen afterwards.

Consider yourself hugged.

This is a beautiful song, and performed so skillfully. I believe I am a simple kind of man. Now, how do I find a simple kind of woman...
(The first person to post the name of the song & the band without googling it wins a virtual high-five.)


Mama told me when I was young
Come sit beside me, my only son
And listen closely to what I say.
And if you do this
It will help you some sunny day.
Take your time, don't live too fast,
Troubles will come and they will pass.
Go find a woman and you'll find love,
And don't forget son,
There is someone up above.

(chorus)

Consider yourself hugged.

This post was edited by null on Nov 26, 2007.

I think I've heard it by the Deaftones, and the title is "simple man". However, I am not sure if it was a cover or if theirs is the original version. I think it was a cover to be perfectly honest, but I would need to google to find it out. Therefore, I am not gonna google for it, and I will pray it is the right answer :P

*high me five, baby!*

Un bacio è un'apostrofo rosa scritto tra le parole "ti amo".

Well, the original is by Lynyrd Skynyrd, but you get extra points for knowing the Deftones. High-five, baby! :-)

Consider yourself hugged.

So for anybody who cares to be kept up to date (i.e. me in ten years), some kind of order appears to be about to return to my life.

Last Wednesday, after living on a mattress in a friend's study for five days, I've moved into a big old house with a bunch of other people about my age and am planning to stay there for the time being. At that time I wasn't quite sure how well that'd work out, but if you never question your personal limits you'll never know where they are or whether they're changing over time, right?
Anyway, the place is not bad and the people are very friendly and easy going. There's certainly some work that needs to be done, e.g. insulating some windows and pimping the circuit lines so that my heater won't shut off the light in the next room, but we have hi-speed internet, a real and well-equipped bar, a smoker's lounge and a very effective beer supply system.
Even though I now can't raid the fridge in my undies at night anymore, a flat share does have its advantages: I'm hardly ever alone (except if I want to be), I get to know new people and their friends, we can do stuff together and when I cook it's not for me alone. And of course it's much cheaper than an own apartment.

Today my soon-to-be ex-wife has finally managed to make an appointment with the judge to file for divorce, so if all goes well I'll be officially 'free' again next Friday. Where the way leads from there, I don't know. I'll probably be a single for a while, which is a bad thing because I'm feeling a bit lonely, but which is also a good - and necessary - thing because it gives me the time I need to sort my life out as I've planned to. Besides, it seems unlikely that I'll be alone for the rest of my life.

(This is a very self-centered post, but what the hell, this is my journal, right?)

Consider yourself hugged.

Just keep it up Bernie. Like I said before when we chatted, it is important that you stay focused on your goals, so that you don't get lost along the way. Things end, new things happen, just keep chasing your dream, and you'll find your way.

Neil's brother got divorced after 5 years of marriage (I think you and I talked about this too), and it seems that now he found the real right one for him, going to propose this Christmas if I understood it well. He's almost 33, and probably won't get married until 2009, so as you can see you're not the only one in this situation. The important thing is to go on with your life, and to pursue what you want to achieve.

In Italian there is an expression that goes "si chiude una porta, si apre un portone"; I don't really know if there is an English equivalent, but literally it would sound like "a door closes, a gate opens", and it may not be the correct idiomatic expression, but I still think it renders the idea of what I am trying to tell you.

So, keep it up, and do keep us updated (or at least me of all the Naoiees) :P

Un bacio è un'apostrofo rosa scritto tra le parole "ti amo".

"When one door closes, another opens."

Yes, we have that expression. :)

Even though I now can't raid the fridge in my undies at night anymore...

Consider yourself fortunate you didn't have my roommates in college. It was always a pleasant surprise seeing your roommates dressed in as little as conceivably possible because they were too lazy to walk to the opposite side of the room to put on pants before raiding the fridge.

And then one of my roommates was squimish when it came to nudity, so of course it meant one of my other roommates would intentionally expose himself in order to freak him out. :)
One time he asked him what time he had on his wristwatch when it wasn't a wristwatch drapped over his wrist....

Things will look up, Bernie. You've probably already noticed that things have improved. It only gets better from here on out. We all have ups and downs, and it takes a truly weak-willed person to give up when they're down, as it is always temporary. You'd probably get along well with my brother.

If the world should blow itself up,the last audible voice would be an expert saying it can't be done

"When one door closes, another opens."

I think around here it's a window that opens, but the core statement is probably the same.

so of course it meant one of my other roommates would intentionally expose himself in order to freak him out.

Ahahah! That's the spirit.

You'd probably get along well with my brother.

I've never met him, but if you say so :-)


But as a matter of fact, yet, things are looking up. Over the course of the last three weeks I've made a bunch of new friends, both contributed to and received a lot from the community that is our flat share, and quite probably consumed more alcohol and weed than during the entire first three quarters of the year. Long-time friends tell me I've changed for the better and am noticably more laid-back now. If I also had somebody to cuddle, all aspects of life that really count would be as close to perfection as they probably can get.

Thank y'all for your support and listening to my whining.

Consider yourself hugged.

This post was edited by null on Dec 15, 2007.

Pah, I don't offer support. I come here for the entertainment!

No, I'm kidding. Good to know things are looking up for you. I don't talk to you much these days but I still think of you as a good friend. Email me sometime. =D

--Jami Yeah, that's gonna sting in the morning.

I come here for the entertainment!

I see. So are we to discuss my sex life now, or are you more of a fan of tragic romances as such?

I don't talk to you much these days but I still think of you as a good friend. Email me sometime.

So you're romantic after all. :-)

Consider yourself hugged.

It's good to know things are turning better for you, Bernie. Neil and I are still waiting for you to give us the okay to call you sometime so that we can chat a bit. You know I wasn't gonna do it without your permission, so that you can build yourself up psychologically to talk in English :P We could talk in German of course, but I am afraid I am even rustier than you are with your English. Plus I have never been proficient in your weird Swiss dialect ;)

Un bacio è un'apostrofo rosa scritto tra le parole "ti amo".

so that you can build yourself up psychologically to talk in English

Haha, that's very considerate of you. :-)
Feel free to call any time you like, just don't be disappointed if I'm not around. Somehow there's always something going on in the evening.

Plus I have never been proficient in your weird Swiss dialect

Well, our two German flatmates have told me that my German is very good (for a Swiss anyway), but for you I'd of course switch back to my Swiss dialect since you appear to prefer that!

Consider yourself hugged.

Well, maybe just a bit of one. ;D

Anyway, I don't know what'd be funnier the story of my love life or sex life.

--Jami Yeah, that's gonna sting in the morning.

Well, maybe just a bit of one.

Awww...! Group hug!

I don't know what'd be funnier the story of my love life or sex life.

More sex is always better. Ask the guys in Hollywood!

Consider yourself hugged.

Indeed. Here! Here! And Three Cheers for more sex!

--Jami Yeah, that's gonna sting in the morning.

So .. the Internet is all about sex and violence.

*SCNR*

cu, w0lf.

Naturally, I love Jesus very much. I love him so much that I'd like to crucify him all over again.

So .. the Internet is all about sex and violence.

Of course it is. That's both a scientific fact and known well among artists!

Consider yourself hugged.