Reading CarmenProfit's journal

Wednesday 23 at 2:00 in the morning I woke up screaming bloody murder. The night mare was awful. In the dream my husband and I had taken my son to a arcade room then we went home I had laid him down to sleep, and I had laid with him in the dream. but it was not me it was like I was seeing through someone elses eyes. In the dream I had tried to kill my son with a butcher knife. cutting his through three times, and stabbing him in the chest twice. He got up running around getting blood everywere, their was blood all over my hands. My husband woke me up from this nightmare finding me in the fetile position shacking, and craddling myself, and my son. I know it was just a night mare but my nightmares are getting worse. My husband thanks that it has to be from the stress of my past, and the stress with what is going on right now. In my life, and knowing that I have to protect my son from danger, and feeling like I'm not doing my job. those are good, answer, but it's like I told my husband I think that it's because I feel helpless in not being able to protect him always, and he is growing up so fast. I don't know what to do.

Friday, January 25, 2008.
I'm so glade I have not had any nightmares in the past two nights, but like my room mate has side it could the stress is starting to get to me, and the more I think about it I believe she is right. I guess not having my own home, having a business to help run, a two year old run a muck every single day all day long. The stress of living in a new place, having roommates wich means four grown adults, and a two year old, two dogs, two birds in a two bedroom trailer is more then enough for a person to lose their minds, and have nightmares, and stress out with the slitest problem that could go wrong. Every one walking on egg shell's not knowing if someone is going to snap or not.
I find myself closing myself into myself not telling anyone how I feel in the fear of told that I have nothing to stress about even though I have more then they know. I find that when I'm around my room mates I find that my mind startes to roam, and I try to ignore what they have to say to me for have the time, my family, and I are getting blamed for everything, and I keep telling my husband I want to find home, and a place to run the business, but he keeps liying to me to were I want to take my son, and leave him, but I can't I have no were to go I'm stuck in bum-f***-egypt of all places Lord help this lonely heart.

This post was edited by CarmenProfit on Jan 26, 2008.