Reading harold_maude's journal

Over the last several months a certian activity has been on the increase. And since this is the most sane place to put anything I need to pull apart and write about here is where it gets put.
Not in a private place because I have found when searching the deep emotional states that we all have, very often someone will find it and not understand what is going on.

Wrong interpretations on any level can be quite disasterous.
So, it gets put here.

Just a note before I start, I really appreciate that this place is still here. It is my santuary in plain sight.
That's what I need right now.

Ok. How to go about this? I did think about putting this into the phillosophy or science forum, but it's hardly clear enough for me to try to figure it out, and if I'm the one looking at it and am having a hard time discribing it to me, then how am I going to say in words something that someone else will understand?

The human language is a real problem sometimes. It would be wonderful if we were all covered with little receptor sites that when anyone wanted to get a hold of you they would just send a little line of light and it would connect and you would instantly understand what they are saying from their point of view, no filters that you have in the way to keep you from getting the message loud and clear.

That would be wonderful. The receptor sights would have to have some kind of accept or decline mode so that we wouldn't be going crazy from hearing everyone on the planet talking and feeling all at once.

That's what brings me to what is going through my head tonight.
Over the several of months I have noticed something that is getting more pronounced.
It's this, the best discription I have for it is that I will be doing something and all of the sudden I will start feeling something in a certian part of my body and it's very acute in nature, kind of like a buzzer telling me someone is on the line so to speak, and I start going through the lists of people I know and when the person it's connected to comes up it gets very loud and sharp. If a physical feeling can be classified as loud and sharp.

So I start thinking about that person and immages start going through my head. Then there are the emotions that start up.
Thoes are real buggers because since this is so new relativly speaking, I'm still having trouble knowing what's me and what isn't.
I end up watching and waiting and with in 2 to 3 days tops it's confirmed that yes, they were the person on the line.

This is strange place to be in. I would love to talk to someone who has had this kind of thing going on for years and knows what I'm talking about and can help me get some kind of handle on the full scope of it.

There is the friend who is pregnant and everytime she is on the line the bottom of my rib cage feels pressure. Not bad pressure, but like being wrapped in a towel.
Another person when they are stressed out I feel it in the left side of my jaw, they usually show up with in a couple of hours.

I'm not sure what all this is. But it makes me wonder if some of the dreams I have that I see people doing things in, people that I know and it makes me feel things is the same kind of thing. Just in dream format.

What I'm feeling is hard to seperate from the emotional states that accompany all of this.
That's part of the reason I am very sure that I have been so exasuted over the last couple of months, that and the weather on top of it.

..well that and a whole lot of things that never seem to ever change....

This is what I'm going through in this arna again tonight, it lasts roughly an hour, what I'm going to discribe, and then it lifts off.
I will be doing what ever and all of a sudden I get extreemly cold, and it becomes waves of cold deep chills.
What this has signified so far is that something bad is going to happen, something that will blow things up, and generally make a huge mess.
the closer to the event, sometimes I get immages as it progresses, but they don't really make sense until after the even happens, and with in a day or two it gets so intense that I get physically ill.
That usually lasts about 24 hours and then goes back to the intense cold chills.
I've tried to focus on who this is concerning this time, this is day two of this happening.
The last time it was almost 4 months before the event happened.
I got a couple of weeks break and now it's started last night again.

The last time it was just located between my shoulders and knees.
This one is my whole body. That scares me.
To add to this my lower left jaw is on fire, that comes with two people I know.
The emotional state that I have been experiencing for the last few hours before the cold chills came is varying degrees of anger, everything from cold caculated anger, to full out to the edge red.
The problem is right now with trying to figure out what I'm suppose to do with it.
Some of the anger could be from the thing with the washer still screaming around inside.
Some of it could be related to the frustration I feel about things that arn't changing that need to and have no reason that is logical why they haven't yet.

So I really don't know.
In liu of not having an old sage handy, if there is one here, please come out where ever you are....I've started searching the net for information related to this, because I really am going a little crazy on this one.
I need to understand what this is and what I'm suppose to be doing with it, and what I have to do to get better recption and maybe some dialog inclued in that list.

So there it is.

It only looks that way because your standing on your head.