Reading harold_maude's journal

Another week done, from the work perspective.
It wasn't a bad day outside of the crazy winter weather we are still suffering under.

Spring is just a dream at this point. I've come to terms with that.
For all I know it may stay winter here forever...just like in the movie groundhog day.

I have so little energy and no ambition, so I try to keep busy to counteract this.
I noticed that I'm writing alot lately, trying desperately to keep from sucumming to the feelings.
I got a letter from a sister of mine and I'm two behind. It made me feel horrible that letter writing is so hard.
Far easier to sit down here and just write about what ever is in my mind and on it at the moment.
I've been reading alot of the entries here, and that stirs my mind, but beyond that it's been one long hard road.

In two days time I will be getting ready to go back to work monday morning.
The truth is that I don't want to go anymore. I don't want to do anything anymore. I wish this would lift away, and then it wouldn't be such a deep struggle.

In a short time, I'm not sure how long, this job will come to an end as I am there for one main reason, to be support for the manager there, to help her keep going until she is ready to leave.
After it's done I have no clue as to what is next.
Maybe all I really need is a good long cry. I wish I had some strong onions in the house right now because that would help.
I'm very glad that most of what I write is taken no notice of, because most of it tends to be a draining of the overload that my mind tends to be in most days.

I wish I could turn on humor and let go and laugh until everything I can't do anything about would melt away like the snow.
But even that has become a difficult task lately.
Yesterday held thoughts of jumping off the mortal coil so to speak. I don't listen to thoes thoughts, as it's not as easy as it sounds, and it would end me up in the one place that would take away any sanity.
So we don't go there.

My hope is this, that a tomorrow morning will come and it will be different. Things will fall into place, the path will be clear and I will feel the excitment at going forward.
That is my hope, always.

You are the best immatation of you that exists