Reading harold_maude's journal

This morning I woke up with bits of my dreams still clinging
to me, like sheets covered in lines and threads that had some how durring the night, invaded and planted themselves deep.
All while I was sleeping.

It started doing things while I was awake. Immages, loud and quiet started moving in front of my eyes, as it were, I think it's called the third eye.
Anyway, these immages are going all over the place and a few stopped and went further with more of their own sub immages.
Fractile of the brain.

Kind of like a brain freeze when you eat icecream too fast.

Immages of people, and places. The giant who comes into work and keeps trying to get free food from everyone there.
He's a car salesmen by the way.
I know where this guy works and you can bet that if I ever need to buy a brand new car it won't be where he works that I will go to.
The man is constantly trying to get us to give him something.
He wants to take as much as he can.
He's a greedy, sleezy car salesmen. From his behavior when he comes in, I would say he lives his life away from work very similar to how he lives it at work.
I could be wrong, but I don't think so.
Too many ear marks of someone who has filled their live with trying to see someone on a bill of goods with a few hidden extra's tacked on.

After his immage and that discussion faded another was waiting there to take it's place.
A young man I met about 9 months ago. For his own reasons which unfolded just reciently, he decited to target me.
I remember that smile, it was hypnotic and over whelming.
It made me think this kid has a thing for me.

I shrugged it off.

Fast forward to halloween last year. We had our first halloween party. And like with most things that are entertwined in my life, this house knows how many people it can hold comfortably.
Without fail, all night, the house maintained a number of six people.
When one would go, with in minuets there would be a knock at our door.
It was interesting to watch.
Anyway, very early on in the evening, this young man and his girlfriend at that time, showed up.
She was striking and I could understand how he could be so attracted to her.
Then, she opened her mouth.

I thought to myself, she is spoiled, she comes from money, and is a controler.
There were as I found out a few other add on's.

After that, he started comming by himself.
The weeks passed and he was here alot. I found out very early on several key things.
Thinking back on it I realize now that it's a good thing this kid has only had a relativly few years to work with this thing.
Add ten and I would have lost the battle, the war and everything else.
This kid has a natural ablity to hynotise people.
Or he read about it in some magazine and figured out that using it he could get pretty much what he wanted.

When he wasn't here, I was under constant wave after wave of thoughts and feelings that I knew I didn't want.
That's the amazing part about all of this. Everytime that there is a strong attraction to someone, the over powering kind, I seem to know it's not what I need or want.
So I fight it.

And I did that with this. It was not easy to fight it.
If I had let go and given in, there is the very real possiblity that it would have ended up in some kind of twisted romanic involvment.

After two months of this stuff going on, him commming here all the time, he started targeting another girl at work.
Her true nature started to show up, and he started comming here less and less.
The emotional state changed and started slamming into me harder.
I couldn't see clear enough to get a handle on what was going on.

I reacted violently to the emotions. In other words, I was pretty much pissed off most of the month of december.
In my anger, I focused all my energy and all my will and planted her firmly in her home town a couple of hours away, until her children come of age.
She hasn't been able to leave that town since I did that.
She has tried to come back for a visit, but even that fell through.

Thinking back on it, I shouldn't have interfeared. I interfeared for other reasons as well. But I'll not go into thoes right now, what I'm putting out here is already into some pretty deep stuff, and I know that there may be people who read this who are thinking that I've lost my mind or something else like that.

To thoes who are thinking that, I have this to say, the universe is bigger than you can even begin to fathom.
We are more than we are told we are.
I will go into this more, but at a later date.
I don't want to get too sidetracked here.

After this girl departed the picture, he started comming here with more and more regularity.
He was back to what every it was that he was doing before.

The difference being that he started comming later and later at night, to see my honeybunnie.
I started getting the distinct feeling that it was no longer me he was comming to see.
Being a good hostess I would stay up as late as I could and then just go to bed.
I spent most of the time just sitting there, sometimes I would just do art, doodle and draw stuff.
Sometimes I would write about things.

Then about a month ago, he showed up at work to pick up his paycheck.
There were 3 of us there. He walked in the door. I smiled at him, and he looked past me, and walked around the counter and stood face to face with one of the other people and that same smile that was the one I discribed earlier, was being focused on her.
At the same time, the energy ball that hit me was hard and clear, he wanted nothing to do with me.
If I had been the only one who saw this, I would have discounted it as just a lingering effect of what he had been doing for the past 8 months.
But the other person who was not his target saw the same thing I did.
She thought it was really odd that he would react like that to me.

Again it's a good thing that this kid isn't more proficiant in the stuff he does.
I could actually see him using this stuff to control an army.
But he's sloppy, and lazy as well. And as long as that doesn't change, the world is safe, at least from him.

I do know this, unless he stops doing this, he will end up doing it at the wrong time and with the wrong person and then he won't be able to slither away.
It will bite him hard.

If he survives, maybe he will learn some things and change.

He was an education that I am still sorting through.
Learning from it. Going through details and making note of repeater patterns, so I can watch out for them from here on out.

I've also been doing alot of reading in the last few weeks on hpnosis and taking it back to where people actually started reconizing that it existed and started studing it.
I am learning and it's changing how I listen to people, and it's making me more aware. I don't trust people as much as I used to and after the last couple things that happened,
I'm really in a non trust mode.

As all of this unfolded this morning, I began to think about masks.
The kind people hide behind and although I'm not sure what percentage it would be, I'm guessing that the majority of people who wear them, have some secret adjenda or somthing to hide.
I don't want to wear a mask. I have strived to live in this place in a way that what you see is what you get.
An honest existance of being who I really am. I'm working in that direction anyway.
I am learning that in order to keep myself from harm or getting hurt that I have to be wary of almost everyone I meet.
I know there is a balance in there somewhere.

I do think that as I deal with the things that are showing themselves in that need to change, that I won't have anything to protect anymore. Nothing to hide. Nothing for anyone to hook on to and then start taking at will, even when I don't want it.

I'm learning to say no as well. I'm learning about what it is what I truly want, and what I don't want.

Masks are distructive to the person who wears them, but they don't realize that as they keep putting them on.
Masks take energy to maintain, they suck life out of you.
And after all is said and done, they end up falling to peices when the truth finally comes to light, and when that happens it's usually with the people they don't want knowing the truth.

So masks are for the most part, as far as I am concerned, pretty pointless.
The only value that masks have are as symbologies and parts of costumes that are worn for brief periods of time.

They do make great wall art as well.
I'm thinking in their place and proper use they are powerful tools that a person can look to as a mirror for their life.
Maybe in that arena, they are of great importance.

Well, that's about where it's at this morning.