Reading harold_maude's journal

I am greatful that this is the last day this week. Every week at this job gets to be more of the same. Exausting.
It's become a place I don't want to be at anymore. The door is closing fast on it.
That's what happens when the time at a place is over.
It shifts into this gear.

I know I need a break from everything. But there is always the driivng thing of bills and the need to eat.
So, I'm looking for something that will take care of that and be different than what I'm doing now.
In truth all I want to do is the same thing I've wanted to do for weeks now, walk off into the woods and vanish for a while.
At least until I catch my breath.

I've noticed that the house doesn't have alot of visitors lately. And that's a good thing, because to be around alot of people right now is not a good idea.
They drain me.

My dreams have been intense over the last two weeks. I wake up exausted and although I can't remember much about them, when I wake up I am aware of bits and peices, and I feel like I've been engaged in arguments that serve only to frustrate and drive s person to rage.

Its for that reason that I'm glad I don't remember. Somedays the anger lingers, and there is no reason to be angry.
So I'm glad I don't remember.

I've also noticed a great restlessness in me. Something that can get pretty intense. Sometimes it's all I can do to keep from tearing my skin off because that kind of restlessness makes my skin itch. I know it's my nerves going crazy from what's going on in my body right now.

Knowing all of this does help, it allows me not to take anything anyone does personally.
I thank God that I'm not blowing up at people.
That's what understanding what is going on does, it keeps me from blowing up at people.

I know if I stayed longer at this job after the manager left I would get so frustrated at everyone else that works there, because most all of them do so little that it would end up sitting almost entirely on my shoulders. And because the new general manager who keeps screwing things up, has given most of these people raises, simply due to the fact that getting people to stay without more money is next to impossible.

The last raise I got was a few months ago, and that was only because of a misunderstanding on the part of the owners.
We had this cheezy questionair that we had to fill out, and I was honest about it and they thought I was asking for a rase, but what I was trying to get across was that the corporation and the people who make the rules have lost touch with reality.
The things they want us to do are unrealistic and expensive, and most all of it is a waste of time.
But they read it as I was asking for a raise.

I was amazed that was all they understood out of the two simple sentances I wrote.
The question was something to do with what could they give as incentive to us as motivation to sell more stuff.
I repiled with something to the effect that I would love to see the corporate yahoos do what we do for the money they pay us.
The other thing I said was that I would love to see them try to follow their own rules in the real world.

They missed it completely. They took it to mean that I wanted a raise. It cracked me up when I found out that I was getting one.
The manager understood, because she feels the same way about the yo-yo's who make the rules up.
Most all of them have never worked on a line making food at all.
They are buisness men. They have no clue.
But most rules that exist in corporations are made up by people who have never been under the weight of trying to do the jobs that keep thoes places running, and keep the bastards in their nice houses and taking trips that none of us weight bearing memembrs will never know.

Somedays I would love to take the top brass of some company and the people at the bottom, the ones who bust their butts every day and have them trade places for a year.
I feel the same about goverment yahoos too.

It would be wonderful to watch. Maybe then there would be more reasonable rules and requirements.

I would love to see some corporate type who has never actually gone into a running sweat, be put into the possition of doing just that. And then give him or her a paycheck that looks like mine does.

Things would change hard and fast, because I think that none of them could stand the pressure. They couldn't handle it.
My lovely fantasy.
It would be awesome.