Reading harold_maude's journal

Well, it happened again, good gifts found their way to my door step only to followed by another asteroid hitting.
This one threatens to wipe me out financially over a doctors bill associated with a surgery I had almost 7 years ago to fix something a doctor in another state said he fix and we got charged 900 buck for a peice of mesh that measures about 5 by 6 inches.
It is now past the statutes of limitations to do anything about the first surgery which has long since been paid for.
In truth I should never have had to have the second surgery which when I had it was at the point of being life threatening.

I was under the impression that when the fist lawsuit came at me it included everything, but not so, the doctor who did the second surgery waited till now almost 7 years later to come after me.
I have help with this comming, but I am seriously thinking about leaving this state. Even though I love it here, I'm tired of getting beat up every time I turn around.

By the way, I tried to work with the people at the hospital after the second surgery, and they refused to accept what I could afford to send.
So did the credit people. They said it wasn't good enough.
I had nothing. I have a roof over my head for now,for today.
Tomorrow they may show up and take it all.
I don't know. But I do know that every time someone does something kind or wonderful for me I get nailed to the wall...it makes me a bit scared to accept any gift from anyone.
If this is karma for some horrendous horrible act somewhere in my past then I deserve it, but if it's not then why does it keep happening again and again.
It started with the accident I had 3 octobers ago. The accident wasn't my fault, yet my insurance got raised and I had to live with a bent truck.
I could have taken them to court, both the girl who was driving and the guy who owned the vehchile, but I let it go.
Then there was the roommate from hell who put me through all that crap and everyone else in the house sided with him, and we had to leave didn't get our deposit back or anything else for that matter.
I let that one go too.
When the people who remined behind found out I was telling the truth only one came to appoligize.
The other appoligies only showed up at the funreal memorial for one of the other members of the house who died earlier this year.
The roommate from hell died by the way, last year.

If the other guy who died in feburary of this year was still alive, I would still be waiting for an appology.
I never once did anything to get satisfaction from anyone of them. I let it all go, including that cute little trip to the psych ward that should never have happened.
Then there is the guy who broke my washer and split town.
I never did anything to find him and make him be responsible...
I just let it all go.

Maybe I should become the avenging bitch with a big club to deal with this stuff when it hits...I have always believed that if you do your best, try to be responsible everything would work out.
If I was a nasty human being I would have gone after that girl, I would have gone after the doctor who did the inital surgery, I would have gone after all the men in this town who have burned me in one way or another...and beat the hell out of them.

But...I'm not a nasty bitch, nor do I want to live with that.
Knowing how things go I would probably get hit twice as often as I do now and twice as hard, keeping me alive just so I can go through it all over again.
Sometimes I wonder if someone out there hates me and just loves watching me get nailed to the wall.
I don't know.
I really don't know.