Reading harold_maude's journal

It's tuesday. It's hot, same same for a long time now.
Everyday, since this happened with the medical bill showing up after almost 6 years, I have worked to keep my head together.
It's been a fight.

But I keep going because I want my life back. Being sick the previous friday, really did some things to me.
It was the kind of sick that makes you want to make out a will.
It gave me a view of everything that I didn't have before then.

I've made more jewerly, and have done some small paintings, if you can call them that, but the want to do any of it just insn't there right now.
Being one tough bitch with myself, I force myself to keep working on the stuff because I need to make some money so I can pay the monthly bills that don't give a shit how I'm feeling or what I have to say.

I've been looking at want adds but every job just looks like all the rest, they want your life in exchange for less money than it's worth.
That hit me like a ton of bricks somewhere in the last few days.

I don't know how to look at anything clearly right now.
I really want my life back. I want to have energy and passion again for the one thing I know better than anything else.
Art.

But even that has been hit by all of this.
Everything has. My world got knocked sideways and the effect it has had on me has surprised me completely.

I remember thinking this one time, while I was going through something else that was ragaing in my face, when the strong fall down, who is stronger to come and help pick them up?
I had no answer then and I still don't.

Deep sigh...so I guess it's me picking my sorry ass up off the pavement and getting out of traffic.