Reading harold_maude's journal

All this stuff from work is spilling into my dreams. Like a scene from the orginal Superman movie where superman is on his way to earth and you can hear his father talking to him, teaching him.

I knew my head was on over load. I'm trying to process everything from the last week. In one part of the sequences that I can remember the city came back to mind. The city built entirely of thought transmitted by light.
The only thing I can relate it to is fiber optic cables. For each cable there were two cables one going in one direction and one going in the oposite direction.

The whole city was vibrating as thoughts went here and there.
Buildings were made of thought, streets, houses, they were all the same.
From a distance it was amazing. Colors shifting and making other colors.

Then in another part of my dream words, lots and lots of words kept flying by. Too many words. Too much information.

Finally I woke up. Enough of this kind of sleep.
I'm still tired. Still too tired. And it's Sunday and I have another day of trying to get caught up on something.

Last night I came to the conclusion that I need to make some hiding places again. Sanctuary places that I can escape to.
I had many for many years. I remember thinking, wishing that someone else could see what I saw in thoes places.
But there wasn't ever anyone else there but me.

For the last seven years I have seen things of the world. Interacted with different people and have come to the conclusion that there is no else out there who could identify with what is familiar to me. What some would term a soul mate.
Not to be confused with the kind of soul mate that a person marrys or has an intimate relationship.
The kind who lives in that same space as you do, just in a different body.

They don't exist for me. I am alone in this world. The common ground I know only knows me. I've had to make peace with this realization because if I don't or hadn't it would be too painful to live life with the feelings of loneliness that come with the understanding of being so alone in the world.

At the same time of uderstanding this I reconize others who have been and are alone in this world. Where they are is only for them as well. The gound they walk on only knows them as well.

So I have to create hiding places again so that I don't keep getting beat up by people who have no understanding and don't want it.

The hiding places are wonderful. They are healing, and nurturing and beautiful. And most important they are private.

I am angry at this place where I work. Angry for dumping so much information in my head in such a short time. It's been like standing on a street and garbage trucks dumping their load on my head, one after another and not being able to escape.

Words, like thousands of singing insects attacking all at once.
Numbers like biting ants that swarm.
I am angry at them for doing this. But I understand that this is how they train people. It's their way. And because I don't want to be homeless and spend the day looking through dumpsters to find food, I have subjected myself to their way.

This job has benefits, but the benefits end up costing about half of what I make per hour there so from my perspective they arn't benefits at all, but a way for the company to steal back from the employees who work there.
I have opted to keep as much of my paycheck as I can. If I took the benefits I would have to find another job just to keep eating.

The only true benefit of this job that I can get is paid time off, and that takes so long to get enough of it that in order to actually benefit from it, I will end up having to be enslaved to this place for at least a year or more.

This makes me angry as well. So do the amount of insane rules this place has. The rules were put in place because of how many people abused the freedoms that used to be there.

Basicly there were alot of people who didn't want to work, but wanted a paycheck so they screwed around and messed things up so now the people that this company hires are suffering under what I equate to a military boot camp working conditions.

In all the jobs I've had I've seen lazy people who want the money without doing any work. The last job was seriously infected with lots of thoes kinds of people.
Alot of them ended up at this job as well, and thoes same people are the ones who are complaining about the rules loudly.
The first day of training we ended up spending almost the entire day listening to one person comming up with excuses to try to find a way to get out of being docked for being late.
I got so tired of listening to this individual that I was ready to start hitting them liberally until they couldn't talk anymore.

Thankfully they have been late everyday so far and this simple act if it keeps going will cost them the job.
So my hope is that this act of being late on their part will continue.

I realized a while ago that I could very easily be on a desert island with no other people and be quite happy. There is enough creative energy that exists in my head that bordom wouldn't happen.
I've had enough interaction with the human race to last me the rest of my life. So being solitary in the way of not having a soul mate is just fine with me.

Hopefully down the road my dream states will change and become something other than overload from this job.
I can hope for that.