Reading Ettena's journal

(Can you hear the tempest outside?
Do you feel things you can't see nor put into words?
Do you listen to the voice inside you?
Do you try to express your emotions but you cannot?
It's all closed up
the tempest outside
and inside
shaking
it wants the future it wants to know it knows
tho it may not know- may not!
Still it knows.

Forget the words and listen to the storm.

How can i walk when i don't feel my legs?
How can i see when i can't open my eyes?
How can i talk when i don't know how?
How write? How paint?

Dedicate to the storm
take me blow me away let me forget everything i want to be new and innocent create a new picture of me starting all over again
let the world be new and without sorrow!

Is it possible to exist?
Would it be good to exist?
What would it matter?
Man is not made to exist
in my eyes in my soul in all of me
crying out no with all my voice!)

I like certain sentimental films.

Tschüss, alder Babbsack! Hier parkste richtig.

And...

Do you ever feel a void inside you?
A numb silence?
Which leaves you feeling nothing?
and yet, its not cold...
but it leaves you disoriented
though not lost.

or may be...

Do you feel the bliss
of sudden solitary moments...?
When everything just makes sense...
or better still...nothing *needs* to make sense anymore?
When the pieces of the jigsaw
fall in place...and
you find yourself floating in
an unending sea of "isness".
When all boundaries just fade away...
...between man and man,
...between man and tree,
...between man and thing...?

And when, the moment you begin to look for words
everything just dissolves...
evaporates..into nowhere
just from where it came?

I do.

Give me a fistful of sky and an ounce of ether... and take eternity in return.