Reading MelMel's journal

Hmmmm, god i hate depression. It takes over everything, i can't work eat, and sometimes i can't breathe.

I have recently discovered something. People are afraid of me, actually i have known that for a long time but i didn't realise my "friends" were

well, either they're afraid of me or they just don't care.

Oh, dear, you all have no idea what i'm talking about, three paragraphs in and already my "structure" is shot to hell.

No, whenever i do anything, good or bad, i get no feedback. It's made me paranoid.

Paranoia, paranoia, everybodys coming to get me....

The slightest glance from anyone and i assume they don't like me because i have done something wrong.

I was talking to lemonyeyes and jeanette about a mutual friend who i really like. I got the impression that she was annoyed or angry (i'm trying to be politically correct) with me. This person is quite close to jeanette who tried to assure me this wasn't the case. Whereas lemonyeyes told me i was paranoid.

Id never really thought about it before, but it's true.

My parents are always saying that there is always someone who i complain doesn't like me etc...

At least i know now it's not my fault. If my friends were honest this never would have happened. You guys are probably reading this thinking how ungrateful i am, that i have freinds who are just trying to be nice, yada yada.

I just want them to be honest. Do you know what it's like living in constant fear fo doing something wrong and assuming you always are? Id rather assume i'm wrong than right, just the sort of person i am.

Look at me! I'm a prostitute robot from the future!

Gut Gott im Himmel, you leave this web site from three days and a million things change.

Mel, the thing I like about you is that you analyse things, especially yourself. Also, if I sounded like a bitch when I said you were paranoid, I'm sorry. The thing is, and I know I'm biased, I just can't see any real attributes of your personality for people to dislike. I can't really see myself disliking you because I can't see anything really to dislike. I like your veracity, integrity (though it wavers at times, like everybody's), your intelligence, your courage and your determined-ness. Perhaps you over-analyse things a tad but don't we all? I know I do...

For example, if you talk to someone you admire for a few minutes, you spend the entire day mulling over what they said obsessively. Well, you might not but I certainly do. Bag me if you must... You care a lot about other people's welfare and to a certain extent, want people to think well of you... not overly, just in a human way.

I don't think that's you're obsessively paranoid, so I'm sorry if I sounded like I was saying that. Also, things happen like this. People grow apart for a few days, weeks, months, whatever, and then they want to (or expect to) be welcomed back. And it should be your decision as to whether you still want to be with them, right?

Love you lots, and have you done your RE assignment?
Rachel.

This post was edited by lemonyeyes on Mar 13, 2003.

no....its due in two days isn't it....there's still time :S

consider yourself forgiven, my mind immediatly jumped to her lesser qualities.

you may not think im "excessivly paranoid" but i do...i'm getting very worried about it. oh well, deal with it as situations arrive, im too lazy to DO anything about it!

i'll talk to you tonight

luv you
-mel

Look at me! I'm a prostitute robot from the future!

Who are you and do you want to go out with me
talk to me when you have got info on wat happend in iraq

Hi mel how are you today how old are you

ok, ummm, how am i today? or today how old am i?

well, i am good but extremely bored whilst waiting to go to work. my 17 year old brother is about to have his JAZZ BAND over to rehearse and i think of the various ways to escape.

no, i actually really like jazz, but dislike my brothers friends!!!!!

i am 15 to day and will be until january 18

before making any further decisions i feel it would wise to find out what CONTINENT you are living in.

luv,
-mel

Look at me! I'm a prostitute robot from the future!